Self-Loathing to Self-Love: How to Love Yourself Unconditionally


When you look in the mirror do you like what you see?

Whether you answered yes or no to that question, this is a product of your self-image. How you see your self and how you feel about yourself.

A lot of people go through life self-loathing, with a less than positive opinion on themselves.

If this sounds like you then it is about time you start thinking about turning that self-loathing into self-love.

The thing is that your self-image is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whatever way you think about yourself ends up becoming your reality, the more you focus on it the more true it becomes.

What causes low self-esteem and self-image issues?

There are many identifiable root causes of low self-esteem and poor self-image.

Some of the more common ones are:
  • Frequent criticism during childhood. This could be from parents, teachers or peers. For example "you're not good enough" "you're going to fail".
  • Unfair comparisons to others. Kids grow up in a society where they are told they must look a certain way to be beautiful, pass a certain test to be successful and act a certain way to be popular. This is just not a fair standard to set as everyone has their own individual beauty and intelligence. Inside and out
  • Bullying. This includes but is not limited to intimidation, insults, physical abuse.
The first step to self-love is identifying what caused your self-loathing and learning to accept the past.

Believe me, I've actually been there.

Way back in the day when I was still in school I was bullied.

Them nasty kids were always calling me names, intimidating and embarrassing me, breaking my stuff. Generally doing whatever they could to upset me, their goal being to either make me shout and go insane or make me cry.

 This smashed my sense of self worth into tiny little pieces.

I eventually sussed out that the only way to get through this was to just not let them get to me. They got bored and started to leave me alone.

It took me years, even after the bullying stopped, to see myself in a positive light again. I done it though! If I can do it anyone can!

I'm going to tell you how I went from the "damaged goods" self-loathing state of mind to the carefree, "grab life by the balls" girl who I am today.

Learn how to accept yourself

You should start by learning to be comfortable in your own skin, seeing as you will have to live in there for the of your life.

Accept your body shape, your skin colour and race, accept your past experiences and memories. These are all the building blocks that make you  ho you are today.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Do not compare yourself to others, it is simply not a fair comparison. Everyone has their own unique characteristics. You cannot go through life trying to live up to other people's expectations. You cannot please everyone, so just please yourself.

Some people like you, some people don't. In the end you just have to be yourself - Andres Iniesta
 Always keep in mind; nobody is perfect.

Focus on the things you like about yourself

Even if it is something seemingly small and insignificant. Whatever positive aspect of yourself you can find, focus on it. Meditate on it, even.

As you know, what you focus on grows. So, if you focus on your good traits, you will keep finding more things to like about you.

Listen to self-love meditation

Guided meditation is great for directing your meditation session in a certain direction. There are plenty of great self-love and self-image based guided meditations about.

See good qualities in people around you

It is often said that negative comments on others are a reflection of yourself. With this being the case, if you do not see the good in other people then how do you expect to see the good in yourself?

If you are a judgemental person, this needs to stop immediately. This could be the cause of your self-loathing.

Enhance your beauty as an individual

Go ahead and dress really nice when you go out. Slap on a bit of make-up to enhance your beauty and make your good features stand out.

I would not recommend hiding behind a mask of make-up and jewellery, as this won't help you to love the natural you. What I mean is don't be afraid to pamper yourself a bit.

Change your inner dialogue

You know that little voice in your head? The one that probably says nasty things about you sometimes; for example "you're a failure" or "why are you so ugly?".

Well don't let it say those things. You have more control over your inner dialogue than you think and you can change it!

For more positive and constructive inner chatter, check out this article by 5 Tips for Better Self-Talk.

Daily positive affirmations

Make a habit of ingraining positive thoughts about yourself deep into your mind. Do this with the use of positive affirmations on a daily basis.

Creative visualization

Use visualizations of experiences you would like to have in your life. The brain cannot tell the difference between a real experience and a vividly imagined one.

Creative visualization is one of the most powerful and life changing mental activities you can engage in. You can also use mental imagery to help you to focus on your positive characteristics. 


In order to be loved by anyone else, you must love yourself first.

You cannot rely on other people to make you feel good about yourself. Only you can rid yourself of those dead-end thoughts of self-loathing and replace them with feelings of self-love.

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball
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If you would like to know more about learning to love yourself, you should think about treating yourself to one of the books below (you'll be glad you did!)


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